Take Your Hat from 0 to 60 in Three Steps
Jean is trapped - TRAPPED - in Florida, poor thing, unable to join us here in Manhattan for cross-country skiing. In her absence, Valerie is going to take the opportunity to shamelessly stuff this post with selfies!
Now, where were we? Oh, yes. How to take your hat from 0 to 60 in three steps.
Valerie purchased this hat online. This is more or less what it looked like on the model in the photo. All you have to do is take one look at that donut ring, and you GASP! A rare donut ring hat!
Readers, it was really hard to find you a picture of a donut ring hat, but here's one, below. Talk about glam! Notice the donut above is waaaaay in the back where no one will ever see it, while the donut below is smack in the front, where nature intended it to be.
Valerie looked at the very young model wearing the red donut ring hat online, and thought she clearly had no idea how to show the hat to best advantage. But Valerie was undeterred by the photo, and bought the hat. Well, the red donut hat arrived at Valerie's doorstep, and guess what? It really seems to be designed to sit on the back of the head. Aw, come ON. A BEANIE? A DONUT BEANIE?! A fabulous ribbed red velveteen donut hidden way on the back of the head? What was the designer thinking? NOT the look we're going for, folks. (See that raised eyebrow? We are NOT amused.)
What's a girl to do? Well, trial and - oh my goodness - ERROR!!! No, no, no, this loose look is clearly not what the designer had in mind, and not what Valerie had in mind either.
Fold the front of the hat completely down to bring the donut forward to its proper place. Now the hat is no longer anchored on the head though, so insert an elastic inside the hat band on either side, and place it discreetly behind the head. Now we're getting somewhere.
Still feels like something is missing, though. Take out the handy dandy black velveteen polka dot veil you just happen to keep on hand for occasions like this.
Yes, that'll work. And placing the bow of the veil just at the top of the donut adds just the right dash of femininity. Isn't it fun to play with your clothes?!
Jean's tormenters sent this photo, demanding snow in exchange for her release. They have already sent back her hat as a warning.