It Ain't Heavy - It's My Necklace

In which we finally get just a tad snarky

So there we are, on any given day, out together or separately, minding our own business and wearing huge necklaces (so popular that they apparently have a name: statement necklaces), when someone comes along and says "I LOVE your necklace", which is a charming compliment.  Then he or she will wait two or three beats and follow it up with

"IS IT HEAVY???",

which is a stealthy way of clawing back the compliment.  As if they'd accidentally given us a hundred dollar bill when they only meant to give us a single.

What if it is heavy?  Does that make it less appealing?  Because, you know, we weren't asking you if you would like to wear it.  When you ask that question, and you force the wearer to defend his or her fashion choice, doesn't that make it a subtle but unmistakeable criticism?  Aren't you really saying "I would never have chosen that"?














What is the correct answer to that question?  How about this?  "Well, I'm guessing my necklace is a bit lighter than your head, and you seem to have no trouble holding that up." Or this? "Yes, but it's only for an hour or so.  My personal assistant brought it here in the limo, and after this event Fabio will take it home for me and put it away."

After the recent Easter Parade when we were on our way to The Modern for our traditional Easter cocktails, a woman carrying two small costumed dogs in the crook of her arm, and pushing a baby carriage loaded with additional small, costumed canines stopped Jean and asked the question. Jean, who was properly brought up, just smiled and nodded.  But what she really wanted to say was: "No. Are(n't) your dogs heavy?"


































The question can be applied to more than just necklaces. Not too long ago, we went to an event (more on that in the near future) where Valerie wore this space age minicrini by Chromat.


































Some people oohed and aahed and took pictures; some people politely looked away, and one woman asked "Is it comfortable?"  Valerie took the humorous approach, and said "Ask me again in an hour."  What she wanted to say was "Yes, it is. What about your girdle?  Is that comfortable?"  Really, readers, when we see a woman tottering around in three inch stilettos with tiny pointed toes, do you think we say "What gorgeous shoes.  Don't they hurt your feet?"

Another woman asked Valerie "Aren't you supposed to wear that UNDER the dress?"  Actually, although Valerie decided not to bring the battery pack attachment that evening, the minicrini is lined in LED lights, and lights up when the battery pack is on. So no, it's not supposed to be worn under the dress.  What would be the point of that?

Even Madonna wears her brassiere under her suit.

And what business is it of yours anyway?  Didn't your mother tell you 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'?